I Sewed A Thing

I sewed a thing this week.

Unlike the rest of the sewing community (or at least one assumes the rest of the sewing community judging by my social media feed), I have not suddenly become a prolific pandemic crafter.

I've felt such a complex lot of feelings about what I have and have not got done, and the projects I choose or don't choose to make.  First I went through a period of time where I felt almost guilty that I wasn't taking the opportunity to learn a new skill, or sew up every piece of fabric in my stash, or knit every yard of yarn in the house because every where I turned that seemed to be the message I was being told I should be doing.   Some days though, I felt it was all I could do to go to work, come home, make supper, care for and teach the kids, try to stay on top of housework and just be a semi- functional human being. Other days, I felt I was doing pretty ok if I hadn't sat staring at the wall doing absolutely nothing for an hour straight.  As an asthmatic in a higher risk category this virus has had me pretty stressed out and scared many a day.

Don't even get me started on the telling me to do my part and stay home bit that came with its own level of guilt.  I can't stay home.  Nor can my husband.  We both have jobs that require us to be there.  For him, full time still and for me, now, part time in the school keeping the office open and the rest of the time working from home.  It's taken a while to stop feeling like I was selfishly and systematically putting the world at risk every time I left the house to go for work. I would love for us to stay home and not ever leave until all danger has passed, but this is not our reality.

Then came the whole sew/don't sew masks thing.  I have not, nor will I become, a one woman mask/scrub cap/isolation gown/whatever else factory.  I admire those that have done this, but that is not where I'm at right now. If this is an issue for you,  perhaps now is time to stop reading.

I realized eventually that I was giving far, far too much power to the suggestions of social media and that this is my own journey and I need to travel it in whichever way I need too. (Of course still following all the actually important stuff like going out only when I have too, social distancing, taking care of my health etc.)  Not only is my physical health important, but my mental health is too and to that end, I decided that I will sew/knit/craft  whenever and whatever it is that makes my mind and heart happy because that is something I do have control over.

When the DIBY Club pattern company sent an email letting customers know that they had put all their patterns on sale 60% off, I decided to grab one that caught my eye.  I certainly don't need any new patterns - goodness knows I have a pattern collection that would probably take more than one lifetime to sew through.  But patterns often are my guilty pleasure impulse buy.

So I bought the Adrienne pattern and printed it out one afternoon last week while I was waiting for a video to upload for the school website. (Good gravy my ancient home computer is sooooo slow!!!) That night while supper cooked I put the pages together. The next night I dug through a bin of fabric and found a remnant of sweater knit I'd bought at some point thinking I'd make a Blackwood with it, but then found it had a huge hole in the middle of the of it, so it got shoved further down in the bin.  I wasn't sure if it would be enough, but it turned out I was able to work around the hole and get the whole Adrienne sweater cut out.  I have no idea what the fabric content is, but its soft and snuggly and drapey and turns out it was the perfect fabric for my new sweater.

The pattern has three options of necklines - cowl, bateau and crew.  There's also four sleeve options - long, 3/4, elbow and short.  It features a wide, curved hem band that overlaps where it joins high up on the sides.  Its construction is fairly simple and the instructions include a link to a video tutorial on how to do the bottom bands which makes them a breeze to sew up.

I sewed it up in three days.  It could have been sewn up in a few hours probably, but I chose to do it in small chunks of time as I have found that method seems to work best for me now.  For my version I chose the faced bateau neckline and 3/4 sleeves.  The only change I made to the pattern was to add a bit of length. But the instructions do offer in-depth instructions on how to fit the pattern - everything from simple blending of sizes, to the more complex FBA/SBA.

I decided to use a pair of vintage buttons for added interest.  I bought the buttons a few summers ago when the Costume Museum of Canada had a fundraiser button sale that I went to with a friend.  Buttons are also a guilty pleasure for me... and I can't resist a vintage button!  I was very careful how I sewed my buttons on my Adrienne being mindful of the button tragedy of last summer when I accidentally sewed through a vintage button with my machine on the last button of my blouse and had to settle for one boring old modern button.

I'm really happy with my new sweater, and actually when I tried it on straight off the machine I liked it so much that I wore it the rest of the afternoon yesterday.  (thus the wrinkles in the photos! LOL)

Thanks for sticking around to read all this way!  Until next time stay well, and stay healthy!

Knitting or The Lack There Of

I've been in a bit of a slump with my knitting.  I think I may have casually mentioned on and off over the last several months that I've lost my "mojo".  I don't know what or why it is. It's not that I don't want to be knitting.  I most definitely do! I see patterns and yarn and think, "Oooooooh!  I should knit that!" but somehow that thought never seems to make it much past the thinking/dreaming stage into the cast on, knit and finish stage.

I did finish a Bankhead hat (a Christmas gift for my husband - modelled here by not so little anymore Little Man) - that one was a bit more exciting because I had picked out the fibre from Prairie's Edge Wool Farm and spun the yarn especially for the hat for him.  Maybe that's the key... all things should be knit from hand spun.  But here's the kicker...  I've not spun anything in months either! Even my spinning wheel has sat idle in the corner with a bobbin only half full.

The only things I've finished other than the hat since completing my Waters Tee last summer was the mittens that I made for Christmas for the big kids.

Some would argue that six pairs of mitts and a hat equals plenty of knitting over the span of eight months.  And I would probably agree, except that normally I am always knitting.  For the last twenty years I've knit a lot and the last fifteen years have been constant.  If I was sitting down for any reason (except obviously driving a vehicle) my needles would always be clickety clacking away.  Is it ridiculous to feel that knitting is like a part of my identity? Part of who I am? But this past while I've found myself knitting a row or two and setting it aside. Or not picking it up at all.  And it's a weird feeling of both not knowing why or what to do with it and a feeling of almost guilt that I'm not doing what I should be doing. (which is more than a bit crazy I do realize!) I do know that I was under a huge amount of stress earlier in the fall and I've been tired a lot lately as a residual result of that stress combined with a busy home life and a great, but busy job and that probably plays into it too. It feels silly that my blog name is "Prairie Girl Knits" and I've not given knitting much more than a casual mention here in approximately forever.

I have cast on a few things... I have two cardigans on my needles - a Populuxe that actually I forced myself to work on to the point that it only needs sleeves and a Mary Mead that got an upper back and upper right front done only before I put it aside.  I also have a Dubois hat that I cast on in great excitement the day the pattern was released and then left by the wayside when the cables started getting challenging to keep track of where I was. (And before it's suggested that maybe it's the patterns, I can assure you that it's not.  I adore the patterns, and really want to be wearing them, so I know it's not that...)

Should I even mention the three quarters of the way through Polarity shawl? Maybe not... that one I started back when in February 2017 when the knitting mojo was smiling upon me and it languished only because I kept getting distracted by new patterns I wanted to work on.

There is a glimmer of hope though that maybe, just maybe, my desire to knit is finally coming back - it's been a slow process, but I think that a slight whisper of it is there.

Inspired by a shawl my mama knit this winter for herself, from yarn I had spun for her, I decided maybe I'd like a big squooshy, cozy shawl of my own too.  I chose a different pattern, and commercial yarn for mine, but it's the first thing in a long time that has seen actual slow but steady progress and might stand a chance of getting finished!   The Golden Hour shawl by Drea Renee Knits might be just the thing to get my knitting groove back!

As for the Dubois hat, the Polarity shawl and the Mary Mead and Populuxe cardis?  Well... we'll have to see what happens.  I think I'm just going to try to focus on The Golden Hour for the time being and see where that leads me.  Maybe once I get back in the swing of things, and it becomes to feel more of a natural process again, I will be able to finish up those languishing projects.

I do know that this is supposed to be a hobby; my method of relaxation.  There should be no guilt or anxiety over how much I'm knitting or not, so I think I'm also going to focus on letting go of that. Goodness knows there's legitimate stress and anxiety aplenty in life that I don't need to add to it with misplaced guilt over something that should simply be done out of sense of joy.

#SMYLY2018

I wasn't going to participate in this "Sewing Makes You Love Yourself" challenge figuring I had nothing to say really, but as it turns out, I do have something to say.  Perhaps more for myself than anyone, but it's something I often think about, so here goes.  It's going to be a long one, so you may want to grab a cup of tea and a snack before you start reading...

When I was about five my Dad helped me thread a needle while my Mom was busy at the sewing machine and then helped me as I haphazardly sewed a sleeping bag for my barbie doll.  A few years later my mom helped me sew a stuffed creature of my own design on her sewing machine. A few more years after that I took home-ec in grade nine and made possibly the most hideous pair of stirrup pants ever to grace a body.  Too short, the zipper poked out funny, the stirrups themselves were wonky and uncomfortable.  As much as I'd loved my few little sewing projects that fell in between the barbie sleeping bag and the stirrup pants I HATED that home-ec class with a fiery heat of a thousand burning suns.  I also hated everything about grade nine.  Especially the school, that on the first day of grade nine, the guidance counsellor gave an uplifting (note extremely heavy sarcasm here) speech on how more than half of us wouldn't make it to grade 12.  I needed out and I had a plan.

To go to a different school I needed to take something not offered in my school division.  Dad taught Metals and Aerospace, so that was my first request.  No go.  Dad wasn't having any part of that suggestion.  Next I suggested Power Mechanics.  That was a flat out no as well.  I moved onto the next available option, Woodworking.  Nope, nope and nope.  Now don't get too upset about me being denied these courses.  Dad had some pretty valid reasons.  I was a complete disaster when it came to shops class in junior high.  It was amazing that I got out with all my limbs and digits in tact.  There was absolutely no way Dad was going to be comfortable with me using machinery that could possibly maim me.  So out of sheer desperation I tossed out the one last option I had at my disposal. Could I please take Fashion Technology and Pattern Design?  Yes.  It was a go.  (My poor Dad.  After all his trying to protect me from harm, a few months into my first year in the program I managed to sew right through my finger on an industrial sewing machine and needed to be taken to the local clinic by the school secretary in case I needed a tetanus shot.  So much for his theory that I'd be safe!  ha ha!). So really sewing at the beginning was simply just a means to an end.  A last ditch effort in a desperate plea to get out of going to the school I was in.  I had no idea it would become what it is today to me.

Right out of high school I didn't do a whole lot of sewing, just the odd thing here or there, until my daughter was born in '92.  Suddenly the sewing bug bit hard and I was obsessed with sewing all the clothes for the kids.  Then in '97 I suddenly found myself as a single mom of three young kids, stressed out, struggling to make ends meet, no self confidence and feeling lost.  I got a second part time job at the fabric store to supplement my part time bakery job and found my sanity along with it.  I kept the demons at bay by shopping the clearance section and using my staff discount and then sitting down in my sewing room after the kids went to sleep, into the wee hours of the night, stitching my troubles away for a few hours at a time.  I took in sewing as a third job, making dance costumes and mending along with whatever else came my way.  Then a few years later I moved to the city, tried to make my marriage work and sewing went back to being a passing hobby only done on the odd occasion until word got out that I sewed and suddenly I was making dance costumes again.  It was my gateway back.

My crafting - be it sewing or knitting (and now spinning) has always been my coping mechanism when things are rough.  It took me as a desperate 14 year old to a new school. It saw me through the first and then second and final ugly breakdown of my first marriage.  It gave me a way to help put food on the table and pay the bills.  When my last pregnancy ended in a miscarriage that left my heart and hopes shattered I sat hand stitching the binding on a quilt, each tiny stitch easing a tiny bit of the pain and sadness away.

Its been a huge part of happiness in my life too.  Stitching my first ever quilt when I was expecting Little Man, sewing a Teletubby "Po" for N when he was three because he dearly loved Po and I couldn't afford to buy him one, sewing so many clothes for the little boys and all the sewing I did for the older ones when they were young, making gifts and quilts for my loved ones and more recently over the last few years, sewing my wedding dress and the explosion of sewing for myself that has led to having an almost completely self sewn wardrobe except for my jeans that I wear to work every day. (No way I'm putting the effort into making jeans that might get grease on them!).  My husband gets it.  He also enables the purchase of patterns and fabric and never complains when the dishes sit unwashed in the sink or the laundry is threatening to take over the basement because I've been down in the sewing room.

But there's more to it than just that.  Sewing, and the community that goes along with it has given me the confidence to feel good about myself.  I think the change of tide all started a few years ago with the whole "Cake with Cashmerette" experience, although to be brutally honest I was more than a bit hypocritical.  I couldn't stand the thought of society daring to try to make someone feel less worthy or beautiful based on their size and more so to have the absolute gall to think they had any right to comment, yet I would catch myself looking in the mirror and berating myself for how I looked. Then feeling like crap because I certainly wouldn't tolerate anyone else treating another human being like that and yet I was doing it to myself.   So it didn't really take complete hold until last spring when I sewed the Penny Dress and had the "it's the pants, change the damn pants" idea from Stasia Savasuk hit home full bore.

I have the ability to change the damn pants.  I can make whatever I want and have it fit however I want.  It also means I can say to hell with society's notion of sizing.  So what if my measurements fall into a size 20, an x-large, a 2XL or a large?  Am I comfortable in what I'm wearing?  Do I feel good about it when I look in the mirror?  Is the important thing the sense of pride and happiness I feel when I put on a dress or top or whatever I made that fits me? Absolutely.

I can't tell you how much I used to hate shopping for clothes.  Nothing could put me feeling lower faster than a shirt that didn't fit, was too tight or too short.  Or dresses that I either couldn't get out of without the jaws of life because they were fitted in all the wrong places or tent like because the next size up was graded up comically huge.  Wondering what the hell was wrong with my lumpy bumpy self that I couldn't look good in anything I tried on.  All that is in the past.  Sure I still have my "Ugh.  Why are my jeans so damn tight today?" moments. But it's just a moment.  It's not a continuous stream of negative self talk going through my head.


For my project I was planning to sew a new dress this past weekend, but then I made the Halla Patterns Cozy Wrap Sweater last week.  It's totally out of my comfort zone as of late.  I seem to be more about greys, and muted colours, blending in rather than standing out.  Even my florals tend to be on the monochromatic side of things.  Don't get me wrong.  I do love a good bright floral for a summer dress, but was totally unsure and self conscious about a top.

So I posted a picture of myself on the Halla Patterns Facebook group.  I had hard hat hair, I was tired, it had been a very long day, but it proved the whole supportive sewing community point so well that I decided this had to be my SMYLY project.  I received so many encouraging and supportive comments from group members (and found out there happens to be a lot of Halla Pattern enthusiasts that are also spinning enthusiasts!!!!  These ARE definitely my people!!!).  Instead of feeling self conscious about my bright floral print, I am going to wear it with pride and if those little nigglingly self doubts creep into my head, I'm going to squash them and remember all the kind words of the group members.

If you've made it this far, thank you for reading! I'd also like to end with a big thank you to Athina Kakou, Hattie van der Krohn, and Lisa Kisch for hosting #SMYLY2018 as well as a huge thanks to all those that shared their stories throughout the last few months. There have been so many heartfelt reasons why we sew and it's been incredibly touching and inspiring to hear them.